Monday, January 08, 2007

The Customer Is Always Right?

Dear Readers,

Today is a special day here at Naked Women and Beer. Apparently, today is "open the floor to extreme interpretations of events as told by the customers who were there, quite drunk, and apparently offended."

Maybe you all remember my "Missed It By One Day" foursome of a post? If you don't, you can find it here. That link takes you to part one, and from there you can continue on to the rest.

Now, some of you may recall that my co-workers are aware of my blog. Some read it, some don't, but all are aware. Apparently, it was leaked to a customer somehow (although, when you spend almost every night of the week in a strip club, you're bound to become privy to some information. I guess it's one of the perks of having a hollow shell of an existence.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a very special treat today. Naked Women and Beer's own "Chad" has stopped by and left quite the rambling comment about his views on the events that transpired those few short months ago. Let's see what he has to say, shall we?

I am indeed "Chad", so flatteringly referred to as "robust". In truth it would be more accurately described as "fat", but I appreciate our Goddess's kindness. Still, kindness doesn't excuse inaccuracy or mean-spiritedness.

As to the first incident, I had no idea that alerting the staff was an inappropriate way to handle somebody getting ripped off in the lap dancearea.Kismet told me that she was new at this game, and I could tell she didn't wantto make waves. Still, it seemed only decent to press the issue lest this guy get away with stealing more money. I am guilty of saying I was going to kick the guy's ass if he didn't pay up or quit stealing ollars off the stage.
Michelob--what can I say?

I find it strange, though, to be described as stalkeresque, since Kismet is now my closest friend on earth. As well, nobody seems to have a problem with me besides the Goddess herself. I suppose they're secretly despising me as they're offering to lend me DVDs and hanging out with me outside the club?

And the "look darlin'" speech? I will allow a little dramatic license and let that slide, along with the copious occurances of the phrase "fuck you". But that isn't the way I remember it.

In truth I am perhaps the least of the "rule breakers", never having hauled my junk out in the lap dance area, and seldom if ever allowing my hands to wander. I can get five dancers to back me up for every one that would even hint at such a thing. I think five is probably a conservative estimate.

The "sitting at the bar"incident is also a little mangled. The reason for my annoyance was that I wasbeing asked to move, but others were clearly not subject to the same restriction. In fact, there's someone sitting there nearly every time I go in.

As well, "babysitting" is a fairly commonly used joking phrase that refers to the situation when one of your "real life" friends calls you in to keep her company. I can't afford to throw hundreds of dollars every night,because I'm not Bill Gates. So sometimes I like to hang out at the bar and stay out of the way. My friend was asking me to come in for three nights a week, and maybe more, during that time. So it's not so sinister a thing as it was made out to be.

As well, when she said "Chad, sit down!" I was not actually trying to follow Antonia. As she stood there with her hand on my chest as if to restrain me, I was holding a fist full of dollar bills that I was trying to use to tip someone. If somebody was hyperventilating, I failed to notice it. I told her to take her hands off me, because it's pretty irritating to be restrained.
That goes double when you don't understand why.

As well, the part of the Eve story that you have not been told is that she has alsobeen a friend of mine _outside_ the club. If I were going to "molest her", as theGoddess accused me of to another dancer, there have been times in which thatwould have been both easier and more tempting than sitting in a bar full ofpeople. Yes, I was inappropriate because in my tipsiness I kissed her. But there
was no grasping of her head. It was not violent, just inappropriate. Most of herirritation was that I had done it in front of her customer, because if some guys getthe ideathat a girl is involved with somebody, they stop tipping her. Odd, but true. Letme be clear, though. I am not saying I am or ever have been romantically involved with Eve. I most certainly have not.

There was no "go the fuck away", either. In actuality, she was trying to tell me she could get fired for doing that. I was embarrassed that it had been taken so seriously, and fairlyashamed, and I couldn't really stand to talk about it right then, so I held up a hand and didn't listen. Later, though, I apologized profusely, and it was good enough for everybody but the Goddess. Eve and I are still friendly today. In repentance, I even told the manager what I had done. I accept responsibility for my screwups.

Now I'm on the "shit list", despite being nice to theGoddess at every turn. Dutifully forking over dollar after dollar every time she wiggled her ass at me, taking interest in her well-being, and trying to be as friendly and supportive as I could. Despite being pegged so early on as a piece of crap, she feigned an awful lot of interest in my own well-being. I salute her acting skills, but for my part, I was sincere.

Beyond that, occasionally I still make an attempt to be friendly to her, but she'll have none of it. If hating me makes her happy, then I suppose it's no skin off my back. But I do think it's kind of sad that anyone would want to reduce a fairly decent human being to an exaggerated cartoon character for someone's amusement.

Ishall be interested to see if the Goddess has a sense of honor and fair play to match her zest for exaggeration, and allows this comment to be posted.

Whoops. Sorry. I thought the Goddess was the mistress of the blog.That's who I was referring to, lest there be any confusion.

It's not a bad nickname, now that I think of it. It seems somehow appropriate. Certainlymore so than "I'll Never Tell". There's a lot of "telling" going on around here to be sure.

Well now, that was quite a mouthful, wasn't it?

Ok, here we go.

Dear "Chad",

As per to your issue with me calling you "robust," what can I say, I was trying to be polite while still providing enough detail so that my faithful readers could have some mental picture of the story I was relaying to them. Secondly, as far as Kismet being your "closest friend," maybe you would remember the not too nice things you had to say about her later on in the evening. Oh wait, you were drunk that night.

Memories have a way of becoming distorted when consuming copious amounts of alcohol, no?

I'm glad that you feel so welcome at my club, as far as you referring to me being the only one with a problem. Titty bars are funny like that; as long as you're continuing to spend money people will usually put up with anyone. I have stated before that I'm getting burnt out, so I see no point in keeping up facades. It just annoys me.

Oh, and please allow me to provide you with a medal for never having exposed yourself in the lap dance room. That's quite an accomplishment, I am sure. I wonder how many other men can say that? And five dancers will be character witnesses on your behalf!?!? Wow, quite an accomplishment. Really.

As far as the kissing of Eve is concerned. Please don't insult my intelligence. As memory would have it, you were quite tanked on vanilla vodka before you entered my establishment, as you stated yourself. Also remember that I was standing right there and witnessed the entire thing. But, hey, believe what you want if it helps you sleep better at night. Personally, I sleep like a baby.

As per your jumping out of your seat to "tip" with a "fist full of dollars," please allow me to remind you that this incident occured late on a Sunday night, when there was only one dancer on stage. Since Antonia had run off the stage because she was feeling ill, just who exactly were you attempting to tip, dear Chad?

And I'm sure it must be quite intimidating to have a 120 lb female "restrain" you with one hand. I never realized quite how strong my arms must be, considering you are quite a large man. Maybe I missed my calling? Screw sociology, with the guns I'm packing in my upper body, I should go out for the WWE.

I could go on and on, poking holes in every one of your sentences, but I'd rather not bore my readers.

I'm glad that my opinion of you is "no skin off your back," Chad. I'm sure that anyone so unconcerned with my feelings as you would spend such time trying to convince the good people of cyber-land who have never met you, will never meet you, and don't really give a rats ass as to the true nature of your character.

I'm opening the floor to my readers now. You seemed very hopeful that I would publish this comment, so I hope you got exactly what you wished for.

Best wishes to you, Chad.



Blogger Otana said...

I just found your blog through Waiter Rant and I have to say I find these behind the scenes glimpses of work in a bar like this to be fascinating. Your writing style is very entertaining and I look forward to reading more!

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's there to say. you published his stuff, which is being more than fair on your part. it's he said she said. benefit of the doubt obviously goes to the waitress. chad should limit his strip club visits and focus more on shedding the "robustness" and perhaps aspiring to be more like billy gates.

1:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boooo chad

1:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think he was still probably drunk when he wrote that post...

So what happens now?

4:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sheesh, Waitress, I am so sorry that you still have to put up with this guy! I wouldn't be able to stand him after this.
Actually, he has really helped fill out some of your stories. These are the dillusional types you deal with on a daily basis! Bravo.

6:15 AM  
Blogger SkippyMom said...

I think the phrase "copious amounts of alcohol" says it all. I do agree with Anon @ 2:01 am that he was probably still drunk when Chad wrote it...rambling little diatribe, isn't it?

Chad [and Chadlike folks]are fodder for the blog = entertaining

Take care

7:28 AM  
Anonymous kerplunk said...

He might be an arsehole but you have to admit that he is quite articulate. Chin up waitress, you'll look back on these days shaking your head in a few years.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Kiz said...

Let us know if you ever get that WWE career underway! You should think up a wrestling nickname. K

8:51 AM  
Anonymous "Chad" said...

Well, so much for trying to shame you into doing the right thing. I thought that you might actually feel some small measure of guilt at distorting the situation just to amuse your readers. That is another of my mistakes for which I'll accept responsibility.

It is clear to me now that this is a kind of therapy for you--a place where you can freely trash those people that you don't like for one reason or another. It ought to be called the "Naked Women And Beer Action Playset (tm)". You can cast people into the fantastical role of mustache-twirling villain, without ever having to endure the level of scrutiny that you're under when trying to sell that bill of goods to people who actually know you.

In truth, I couldn't care less about the opinions of those who will never meet me. My reason for posting was twofold.

First, I wanted to be sure that you knew that I am aware of the extent of your nasty comments and embellishments. I have been for a very long time, since quite a few people have asked me about your wild versions of these stories. Additionally, your blog is no secret, and hasn't been for a long time. It is a well-known source of humor around the club. "Leaked", indeed! It's difficult to read goings-on through such a negative and distorted prism, so this blog is not something I like to keep up with. Still, when I read things like this ...

"Love and respect each other. Never forget that every person has a backstory, and don't be so quick to judge one another."

... I just have to laugh. Such lofty words coming from the most judgmental and mean-spirited person who ever crossed that club's threshold.

The second reason is that there are those who I _do_ know that look at this blog from time to time. I suppose it was unnecessary to speak up in my own defense for their benefit, since they already know what you're about.

I could go through your commentary and point out the latest batch of embellishments, "selective interpretations", and outright falsehoods. Clearly, though, that would be a wasted effort. Instead, I'll just give you fodder for another blog post, for which your readers will dutifully cheer you on. You can then pat yourself on the back for having won in the only forum in which you _can_ win.

Yours in villainy,

9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find your stories so entertaining, I seriously wouldn't care if dramatic license is taken anyhow! Chad sounds like a big stinkin looser. I'm kinda surprised he had the ability to navigate all the way to your site....Write on, chicklet, write on!!

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, waitress. From what I read, you could take him. "Chad" is just an asshole looking for someone to make his life seem important. You were just thrown into the drama he likes to create. Your readers will always back you up. At least you'll leave with your pride. =)

3:29 PM  
Blogger Jewish mom said...

Chad: "and seldom if ever allowing my hands to wander."

Well isn't that just soooooo nice of you. You 'seldom, if ever' attempt to grope the dancers. Tell me, at a fancy resturant, do you 'seldom, if ever' attempt to grope the chef? When you go grocery shopping, how often do you attempt to feel up the check out clerk? 'Seldom' or 'if ever'? You're such a gentleman.

Chad: In fact, there's someone sitting there nearly every time I go in.

Now you're just flat out LYING! I've been to that club several times and there is NEVER anyone sitting there. As a matter of fact, the first time I went there, in response to a contact lens emergency waitress was suffering, I made the mistake of standing there. (you really can't 'sit' there. There's no chair there). Waitress politely explained to me that NO ONE could be there. That it interfered with the picking up of drinks. SO....chad dear, if she's not going to let her favorite contact lens delivering adopted aunty stand there, you can bet your piddly little dollar tips that she's not going to let you or anyone else stand there either!

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, "Chad's" literacy rose immensely in this comment section. That's really interesting. So, what happened? Is it a fake "Chad?" Did the real "Chad" just discover spellcheck? Or was the real "Chad" sober while typing that comment?
Either way, I love your stories.

4:27 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

Re: the grammar error in the post

Chad left this comment in my original post, Missed it By One Day, part 2. Since I wanted him to get exactly what he wished for, some sort of warped vindication if you will, i had to copy and paste it into blogger. This caused some problems with the format, some lines only had one word on them, etcetra. I had to spend some time fixing that so that it would run smoothly. Somehow, between copying and posting some of the words were smooshed together. This was my fault, but trying to fix it isn't working, as it just returns it back to the broken format that it was before.

Hope that clears it all up.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

Your blog brightens my bleak day at work when the systems I need aren't working. Also there is nothing wrong with embellishment.

Best of luck with this next semester of classes

6:29 PM  
Blogger Wiwille said...

Admit it. When you leave you'll miss some of the drama. 'Some' being the keyword.

Still I enjoy this blog immensley.

8:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with the fat guy. You probably should have left his "original" comment as just that and no one would have known any different. Or is this a way of drumming up interest? Either way, it's interesting reading and helps add dimension to the club and your writing.

10:08 PM  
Anonymous BLAZE said...


"Step away from the titty club" I repeat, "Step away from the titty club". Take a deep breath and smell reality for a moment. You need to find Jesus, and don't grope him.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Rune said...

I think "chad" should start his own blog...

He actually writes very well...

10:24 PM  
Blogger Grumpy Housewife said...

Dear Chad,

You are the same stupid shitbag that frequents every strip club, adult bookstore, and hell, every bar, that ever was.

The reason why you are a shitbag? It's all you, buddy. Maybe you should drink less, and take some personal responsibility.

Oh wait, guys like you never take personal responsibility, it interferes with being able to do as you please.

Chad, get a life. It would help. You might stop being such a whiny baby.

Drop Dead,
Ms. K

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

Wow, Chad. Way to write a novel. Why don't you just let it go?

11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah "Chad" ... you are the owner of your own behavior. So whatever you do in public, well do it and live with that. Please don't bring the gossip and paranoia to this blog, it makes me feel bad for you, because a grown man with any depth of pride shouldn't behave like this. You've followed her (the host) out of the bar and out to the Internet. hmm... kinda like you stalk/visit the women in the bar, yep.

This blog belongs to the creator, we are all visitors. It isn't a gladiator pit.

That's all I have to say. Host? Keep writing, we'll read it all, you are delightful.


12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Is this the only titty bar in town, or have you been thrown out of all the others for gropping? Why would any self respecting person allow themselves to be talked about like waitress did and still keep going back to her club? Answer; she was telling the truth and you have no where else to go. Sorry Chad your story doesn't work and no body is buying it.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

chad, you're a douchebag.

6:18 AM  
Blogger ilovecheese said...

Wow..why is Chad even trying to "defend" himself? No one is bothered! We love reading your blog, I'llnevertell, and remember all, it is her "personal" blog - so she can write what she feels like! Chad, hard to understand? How much lurking did you have to do before coming with the gut sto ramble on for nearly half a page? No one cares! Who remembers what happened so lon gago. So go get a life..And Kudos to you I'llnevertell..have a great life ahead..

6:32 AM  
Blogger The Cleaning Lady said...

chad is the consumate LONELY GUY. bahahahhahaa, he even thinks the girls are his FRIENDS, lmao...what an idiot. Chad, get a clue, and a life may soon follow. Good luck!

Waitress, no need to ever defend yourself from the Chad's of this world. Anyone who has any inkling of how a strip club works knows a Chad or two, and the one word that seems to fit them all to a Tee is PATHETIC. This Chad is no exception. Soon girl, all this will be a fading memory.


7:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chad, you should chill out a little bit. I understand that you don't want to be shown in a negative light, but it's not like she put your address and phone number up here so we could all dial your house at two in the morning and call you a chode. Heck, she didn't even use your real name.

This blog is hers, and she can write whatever she wants on it, within the confines of the law. If she wants to exaggerate a story a little bit for comic effect, she can. I know I do that sometimes. It's a BLOG. It's not the freaking New York Times. But if she says she's not exaggerating, I believe her.

If you need to write a two page letter explaining every single action you performed that night, you probably would do better to quit typing and take a basic socialization class. Learn to make your actions and words mean what you intend them to mean.


9:13 AM  
Blogger BaxterWatch said...


if chad is so happy with friends, why does he bother with waitress? Especially considering the venom he seems to have. She protected his identity, so its not like she's spreading "stories." And his real friends would SUPPOSEDLY know him better anyway.

me thinks someone wants attention.


11:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Waitress,
Your drama keeps me from falling asleep at my desk and for that I thank you.

I hope that when you leave the bar you continue writing. You are above all of this and very talented. There will always be many “Chads” in life, some will even learn to behave better so to disguise themselves, but there are few as talented as you.

Keep writing and keep seeing the world through a writer's eyes. If the “Chads” of the world think you are distorting reality, remember the “Chads” of the world are looking through drunk and erect glasses. (No offence guys, but horny men can’t think straight.) ;)


11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Chad -- from an ex-dancer:

When a girl calls you to come sit with her at the club, she does not want you to baby-sit her. She is having a slow night, and perused through her roll-a-dex (cell phone directory) of regulars, to see who she can get to come down and throw a few bucks her way. It's all about the money pal. And she'll ditch your measly few bucks for anyone with a few more in a heartbeat.

3:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL.... Everyone that works in a service industry knows, their job is to "sell" and to make the customer feel "welcome" so that the business continues to make money and they continue to stay employed. I guess if someone is really good at doing their job correctly in a service-oriented industry could make the truly delusional believe that getting god service equals being friends or family.

Chad saying he is "friends" with the girls outside the club leads me to believe is one of those pathetic hangers-on types with no life of his own who tries to latch onto the lives of other people. The girls probably allow it because he gives them money or gifts. So in a sense they are all using each other.

3:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, aren't we all judgemental today...

Chad, drop it. Personal blogs are like this, people can lie, distort and exaggerate as they please. Just keep in mind that Waitress never divulged your identity. So she dislikes you, so what? You don't need her approval and she doesn't need yours. Just avoid each other and have fun.

5:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chad, I'd forgotten about the whole story (although very entertaining when I read it) until you so inarticulately brought it back. *Now* I'll remember it. Many thanks for the insight into the mind of a stalker. That explains a lot.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Push Button Blogger said...

Hey Chad,

Reality check. No one cares!

11:27 PM  
Blogger Sondra said...

What a dum dum. (LOL) Some people never learn to take responsibility for themselves. You did the right thing by calling him out...I would have.

12:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, as long as you're soliciting opinions.... Waitress, Chad, you both seem pretty petty and overdramatic in this post. Both of you need to get over yourselves.

2:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waitress- In a way I agree with Chad that you do seem a bit self-involved. Your posts mostly fall into two categories: the tough, take-no-attitude hero or the horribly wronged victim. But it's your blog, you can portray yourself however you want. I always find your posts entertaining.
Chad- Points for being articulate. Points off for creepyness.

2:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chad is a petty pathetic little knob.
Way to stick it to him, Waitress.
He really needs to get a life outside the stripclub with his "friends" who he pays and tips.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Chris said...

Pull your head in Chad.
This is waitresses blog. As long as names are kept private, she may embellish it however she chooses.

6:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't find any links from Part 1 to the rest, and there's no archives navigation on this site... help?

2:59 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

Dear Anon @ 12:59

Here is the link to the October archive:

this will take you to the entire month of october, which contains all four parts of "missed it by one day," you just have to scroll down a bit.

Hope that helps!


6:33 PM  
Blogger slopmaster said...

quite possibly could have been me. damn!

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a former bartender at a couple of different titty bars I have to say that based on Waitresses comments and "Chad's" pathetic responses that he is indeed one of those idiots that truely thinks he's "friends" with the girls.

Everybody works there for one reason: to make money off the idiots that came there. Not to meet people to be their friends. Here's a little clue for you Chad - when you're not there and your name comes up, they talk about what a hoser you are.

Get a life outside of club.

Waitress: I found your blog though Waiter Rant and I have really enjoyed reading it. It has brought back a lot of memories (and as you can guess those are both good and bad...). Keep up the writing and good luck with life.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

As someone who has been slammed in a blog that I didn't know existed, I can appreciate Chad being upset even if his behavior was innappropriate. It's one thing to make a mistake and apologize; it's another to make a mistake, apologize, think things are okay, then find someone has been publicly humiliating you without your knowledge.

After finding out that a former roommate had blogged about me the entire time we lived together, saying horrible things (sometimes accurate, sometimes not, but often misinterpreting circumstances and always giving only a one-sided perspective), I learned to be a lot more careful about what I write on my blog.

It hurts when someone has been publishing criticisms of you on the internet. Nobody is perfect; some make more mistakes than others; we're all human.

6:24 PM  

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