Monday, December 18, 2006

Previously on Naked Women and Beer

When we last left our poor, harrowed Waitress (read: me), her skin had began to develop a slight bluish hue, no doubt due to the fact that she lived and breathed in front of her computer screen, pouring over article after article, meticulously learning the slight differences in ASA format and APA format (p.s. it's all in the colon placement) and had started to develop a slight tic in her right eye which, unbeknownst to her, would continue on for the remainder of the semester and cause her to have vicious thoughts of jamming the blunt end of a screwdriver into it.

Meanwhile, back at the titty bar, Esmerelda, post-argument with Duke, stormed out on a Saturday night, leaving even more stress for our poor heroine to deal with. Queenie took over her section, and Raymond hired the girl that worked at the 24 hour gas station "Fog," to take over as hostess.

Owner is opening a new bar in the Southern region of our state, so Raymond and Pierce spend their weeks driving back and fourth (eight hours, round trip) and their weekends trying not to fall asleep standing up. Meanwhile, Pierce and Ellen are saving up to purchase a home, and the word is that Champ and Queenie will be engaged before the year is up.

Mercury, the planet, not the dancer, has taken up home in Sagittarius, which promises anger, strife, and miscommunication. As if to prove my point, Miranda beat the crap out of a new girl in the dressing room (so new, in fact, that I don't even need to come up with a fake name for her), Dawn is taking a leave of absence, and every time I turn around we're kicking someone else out or breaking up another bar fight.

Waitress and Boyfriend almost split up; not for any good reason, mind you, but Waitress is crazy, and even more so when she's tired and/or stressed out. Luckily, Boyfriend is quite the understanding man, and has learned that it is much easier to just nod and smile.

As if this weren't bad enough, our tired and stressed out Waitress read in her Cognitive Psych book that the more instances of REM sleep you get in between study sessions, the more your brain encodes the information and the easier it is to recall later. She then gets the bright idea, since she doesn't have a lot of time to study, to sleep for four hours, study for four hours. Sleep for four hours, then study for four hours. The result? She misspelled her last name on the scantron of her last final. You see, Waitresses last name is composed of two small words put together, much like "Coachmain" or "Armstrong." When filling out the scantron (i.e. bubble sheets) it requested that Waitress bubble her last name first, followed by her first name. Waitress, instead of bubbling "Glassman," brilliantly bubbled in "Manglass."

And when it was all said and done, she was left with five A's and one B (in Cognitive Psychology). She now vows to never again attempt 21 hours in one semester.

Thank you all for being so patient these last few weeks. I have so much to catch you up on!



Anonymous Zoo Keeper said...

Welcome back and congrats on the excellent grades! Glad to hear the you didn't actually break up with the boyfriend. I'm looking forward to being caught up on all the goings on.

8:04 AM  
Blogger coffeypot said...

Congrats on the grades - not an easy task.

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Lyan said...

misspelling your last name ouch. But at least you didn't misspell your first like i did on an organ chem test a few years ago. I lost 5 points for that.

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Kiz said...

Twenty-one hours AND a part-time job?
Phew, it's a good thing that's over with.

I never did more than 16 hours a semester in college, which was plenty, and that was without a job. K

8:58 AM  
Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker said...

Waittress, I am so pleased to have you back. I missed you. I completely understand how tired you are, and that was way too many classes at once. You are superhuman! Congrats on your good grades.

10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh honey, 21 hours in one semester?? Not a good idea! :-) Glad you survived!

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to have you back!
Oh and if you do have an eye tic it's probably from a lack of magnesium. A clinical herbalist and a naturopath gave our class that tip. Take care.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Charlotte said...

I feel your pain...I got to a private university, and I just finished my finals for the semester. Congrats on the grades!

3:44 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

21 hours is painful i know. i will never do it again especially if i'm working too. glad all the exams turned out well

4:04 PM  
Blogger conorinsweden said...

I finished my degree this year, and during the craziness of doing exams and finishing my thesis, I also developed a weird tic in my right eye. Strange... perhaps it is some sort of initiation you must go through to graduate.

2:14 AM  
Anonymous Neal Deesit said...

"she lived and breathed in front of her computer screen, pouring over article after article"

Unless you were drinking while reading from your screen, you were poring, not pouring. This is a fairly common mistake, Waitress, and after your 21 hr semester, you're entitled to a homonymic solecism or too.

Good luck next semester. Keep abreast of your studies.

3:37 AM  
Anonymous Gaping MAW said...

Congratulations on the fabulous grades! 21 hours is definitely bordering on superhuman. Best of luck with your new classes and have a great holiday!

10:58 AM  
Blogger Shodan25 said...

I'm just glad you're back and relatively sane, whether you pour or pore, whether or not you tic and regardless of your excellent grades.

BTW, regarding the tic, skip the dietary supplements and find a song that's at the right tempo...

2:06 PM  
Anonymous lizzie said...

I finished my master's a year ago and still have a tic above my left eye. Lyan...i cannot believe an o-chem professor docked you 5 points for misspelling your name. E'gads.

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try the Citation Machine to automate your citations. I'm lazy or I would give you the URL, simply Google it!

Congrats on the grades and I must agree that 21 hours is a death wish!

5:32 PM  
Blogger Busty Gal said...

welcome back tot the land fo the living. looking fwd to being caught up.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Calypso writes:

Congratulations, and vast admiration. 21 units, those grades, married AND a job??!!!! Not to mention a fine writer? I hope you know how amazing you are.

A request when you have time to update: any news on Jo and Tucker (I'm longing for a happy Christmas ending to that story...(fingers crossed)

9:21 PM  

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