Previously on Naked Women and Beer

When we last left our poor, harrowed Waitress (read: me), her skin had began to develop a slight bluish hue, no doubt due to the fact that she lived and breathed in front of her computer screen, pouring over article after article, meticulously learning the slight differences in ASA format and APA format (p.s. it's all in the colon placement) and had started to develop a slight tic in her right eye which, unbeknownst to her, would continue on for the remainder of the semester and cause her to have vicious thoughts of jamming the blunt end of a screwdriver into it.

Meanwhile, back at the titty bar, Esmerelda, post-argument with Duke, stormed out on a Saturday night, leaving even more stress for our poor heroine to deal with. Queenie took over her section, and Raymond hired the girl that worked at the 24 hour gas station "Fog," to take over as hostess.

Owner is opening a new bar in the Southern region of our state, so Raymond and Pierce spend their weeks driving back and fourth (eight hours, round trip) and their weekends trying not to fall asleep standing up. Meanwhile, Pierce and Ellen are saving up to purchase a home, and the word is that Champ and Queenie will be engaged before the year is up.

Mercury, the planet, not the dancer, has taken up home in Sagittarius, which promises anger, strife, and miscommunication. As if to prove my point, Miranda beat the crap out of a new girl in the dressing room (so new, in fact, that I don't even need to come up with a fake name for her), Dawn is taking a leave of absence, and every time I turn around we're kicking someone else out or breaking up another bar fight.

Waitress and Boyfriend almost split up; not for any good reason, mind you, but Waitress is crazy, and even more so when she's tired and/or stressed out. Luckily, Boyfriend is quite the understanding man, and has learned that it is much easier to just nod and smile.

As if this weren't bad enough, our tired and stressed out Waitress read in her Cognitive Psych book that the more instances of REM sleep you get in between study sessions, the more your brain encodes the information and the easier it is to recall later. She then gets the bright idea, since she doesn't have a lot of time to study, to sleep for four hours, study for four hours. Sleep for four hours, then study for four hours. The result? She misspelled her last name on the scantron of her last final. You see, Waitresses last name is composed of two small words put together, much like "Coachmain" or "Armstrong." When filling out the scantron (i.e. bubble sheets) it requested that Waitress bubble her last name first, followed by her first name. Waitress, instead of bubbling "Glassman," brilliantly bubbled in "Manglass."

And when it was all said and done, she was left with five A's and one B (in Cognitive Psychology). She now vows to never again attempt 21 hours in one semester.

Thank you all for being so patient these last few weeks. I have so much to catch you up on!

Waitress