Monday, August 28, 2006

Psych 101

Back to school time, next to the Holiday season, is the slowest time in the strip club. With the economy in the shitter, people usually have enough extra money to either buy new school supplies/clothes or go to the titty bar. Take a guess as to which one won.

The only upside to the slow business as of late has been the extra time I've been able to spend b.s.-ing with my co-workers. Friday night I spent the first two hours of my shift at the bar hanging out with Savannah.

"I'm sick again," she said, in between attempting to hack up a lung.

"You're always sick. You're husband trying to poison you again?"

Savannah started laughing.

Approximately four weeks ago I came to work and Savannah looked like hell. Her hair was matted to her forehead, her skin was flushed, and her eyes were droopy.

"Savannah," I said, as nicely as possible, "you look like shit."

"I know. I can't seem to get any better." She paused to blow her nose. "I'be been sick por monts bow."

"Why don't you go to the doctor?"

"I go all the time. I'm afraid they think I'm a hypochondriac. Or I have that thing where I make myself sick."

"Munchausen's," I replied, having just finished a semester of Abnormal Psychology.


"Munchausen's syndrome. It's where you make yourself sick to get attention. The other one is Munchausen's by Proxy, you know, from The Sixth Sense? Maybe your husband has it and is poisoning you."

If at all possible, Savannah's clammy complexion paled in the black-light.

"Savannah, I was joking. Seriously. Calm down, honey, I'm sure he's not trying to kill you."

Back to Friday night, and Savannah is still attempting to laugh while keeping her vital organs inside her body.

"You know what the worst part was?" She asked, tears brimming in her eyes.


"The next morning, I went to check my e-mail and the last page up was a website about the different kinds of poison!"

We're both laughing now.

"So why the poison website?" I was intrigued.

"Oh, that. He was checking the floor cleaner to make sure it wouldn't hurt the babies. The only thing I could think of was 'well, fuck, looks like I'm going to need to start making my own coffee!'"

"Well," I said, "you can always drink the coffee here, unless you think someone is trying to take your job!"

Savannah started laughing, then stopped.

"Savannah, seriously, I was joking. No one is trying to kill you. Savannah...."


Anonymous Gypsy_Jo said...

staying healthy in a strip club is damn near impossible! any month of the year is a danger. in winter you have those loverly cold drafts while your sweating your boobs off on stage, always good for pnumonia. in summer its sorta the same, hot as balls outside and air conditioning set on frigid inside, I can hear the house mom yelling "Who needs robitussin???" now.... then there are the the customers who bring us every dasterdly illness known to man, from the common cold to the more horrid, like hepatitis.
what a great job, eh? lol,
money makes people do the strangest things, dont it?


1:34 PM  
Blogger Savannah said...

that's great. She sounds just like me!


3:23 PM  
Anonymous Gypsy_Jo said...

its not just a job,
its an adventure.

of sorts.


5:00 PM  
Blogger Film Aficionado said...

I took Psych. 101 and I've never even heard of Munchausenzoengon syndrome. What school are you going to, Princeton?

11:00 PM  
Anonymous Gypsy_Jo said...

u never heard of Munchhousens? a few years ago a Mom poisoned her kid, to get attention for herself."poor mommy" syndrome.
thats munchhousens by proxy.

PS: I learned that in high school health class. of course, I did go to school in the north you think that has any bearing on whats taught?

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The economy is not in the "shitter."

2:06 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

i beg to differ

5:05 PM  
Anonymous Kara said...

I have no idea where I found this blog, but this is such a good read. Especially the explanations of the different type of customers!
What about women who bring coworkers or friends to tittybars? Or is that rare? I was hoping on bringing some friends to one eventually :P

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big Boobs might like this blog:
for his um more prostitue related questions...
A wicked blog though!

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

I found your blog from the link posted on waiterrant. I just wanted to say I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts and I've been checking daily!

Keep up the great work :)

11:30 PM  

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