Things that annoy me
Ok so, anyone who has ever worked in the service industy has dealt with these people. The people that God put on this planet to test your patience. These are a few of my favorite instances.
Scenario 1:
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "What do you have?"
What I want to say: "I have a fucking bar you dumb ass now order something. Jesus, you're standing right here, you see the fucking bottles of alcohol, stop asking stupid questions and wasting my fucking time!!!!"
What I do say: "I have a full bar."
Scenario 2:
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "What's good?"
What I want to say: "I have no fucking idea what is good to you. I don't know you, I'm not your fucking tastebuds, so why don't you just order what you usually order and stop asking stupid questions and wasting my fucking time!!!!"
What I do say: "Everything."
Scenario 3:
Guy with a bunch of other guys behind him.
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "Yeah, I want a bud light," turning to the guy behind him, "dude, what do you want? A bud light? Okay, so I need another bud light," turning to another guy, "dude, DUDE pay attention what do you want? I don't know what they have-- ok, a bud light. Okay so I need another bud light," turning back to first guy, "hey, where did so-and-so go? Do you know what he wanted? Well, I don't know either. Let's just get him a bud light. Okay so I need another bud light."
What I want to say: "LOOK motherfucker, you don't go to McDonald's and say "Yeah, I want a cheesburger and a coke, a cheesburger and a coke, and a cheesburger and a coke; you say I want three cheesburgers and three cokes! Figure out your order before you get here and stop wasting my fucking time!!!"
What I do say: "Okay, four Bud Lights?"
Scenario 4:
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "A crown and coke."
Me: Putting ice in a high ball.
Dumb ass: "Wait, not so much ice."
Me: Dumping half the ice out.
Dumb ass: "A little less."
Me: Dumping a little more ice out.
Dumb ass: "Okay, a little more."
Me: Putting five or six ice cubes in.
Dumb ass: "Okay, a little less."
What I want to say: "JESUS you picky motherfucker it's no wonder you're in a fucking strip club alone instead of hanging out with friends/loved ones if you're this damn neurotic with your everday life! Stop being so damn picky and quit wasting my fucking time!!!!"
What I do say: "Like that? Is that good? Ok, now? Oh, ok."
Scenario 1:
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "What do you have?"
What I want to say: "I have a fucking bar you dumb ass now order something. Jesus, you're standing right here, you see the fucking bottles of alcohol, stop asking stupid questions and wasting my fucking time!!!!"
What I do say: "I have a full bar."
Scenario 2:
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "What's good?"
What I want to say: "I have no fucking idea what is good to you. I don't know you, I'm not your fucking tastebuds, so why don't you just order what you usually order and stop asking stupid questions and wasting my fucking time!!!!"
What I do say: "Everything."
Scenario 3:
Guy with a bunch of other guys behind him.
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "Yeah, I want a bud light," turning to the guy behind him, "dude, what do you want? A bud light? Okay, so I need another bud light," turning to another guy, "dude, DUDE pay attention what do you want? I don't know what they have-- ok, a bud light. Okay so I need another bud light," turning back to first guy, "hey, where did so-and-so go? Do you know what he wanted? Well, I don't know either. Let's just get him a bud light. Okay so I need another bud light."
What I want to say: "LOOK motherfucker, you don't go to McDonald's and say "Yeah, I want a cheesburger and a coke, a cheesburger and a coke, and a cheesburger and a coke; you say I want three cheesburgers and three cokes! Figure out your order before you get here and stop wasting my fucking time!!!"
What I do say: "Okay, four Bud Lights?"
Scenario 4:
Me: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Dumb ass: "A crown and coke."
Me: Putting ice in a high ball.
Dumb ass: "Wait, not so much ice."
Me: Dumping half the ice out.
Dumb ass: "A little less."
Me: Dumping a little more ice out.
Dumb ass: "Okay, a little more."
Me: Putting five or six ice cubes in.
Dumb ass: "Okay, a little less."
What I want to say: "JESUS you picky motherfucker it's no wonder you're in a fucking strip club alone instead of hanging out with friends/loved ones if you're this damn neurotic with your everday life! Stop being so damn picky and quit wasting my fucking time!!!!"
What I do say: "Like that? Is that good? Ok, now? Oh, ok."
posted by Jennifer at 6:40 PM
5 Comments:
Your blog is great. just started reading it yesterday...hilarious.
as a former stripper/bar tender, I felt your pain! thank god that part of life is over! hope you keep on keepin on!
Gypsy Jo
Picky people piss me off. I feel your pain, homegirl.
i've worked as a waitress, cocktail waitress, and occasional dancer. Sometims people ask you got b/c they cant read. But yeah, most of the time they are ignorant fucks
As a former bartender/waitress, I have discovered that people ask what's good when they're wondering what the bartender's special shot is.
I do this occasionally, but will only do it if:
A) the bar is not busy.
B) I'm feeling experimental in drink choice.
and C) I can just go ask the bartender what his/her specialty shot is.
A lot of the problem is that people can't fucking say what they mean.
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