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Thursday, August 17, 2006

The type of woman you meet in a strip club #2

The curious girl.

The curious girl is a strange form of woman who, although may appear normal on the outside, when placed in a social environment where alcohol flows freely and sexual taboo's are lax, morphs into "curious girl," who then tries to make out with all of my dancers and jump onstage.

Curious girl may not fully transform until after several visits to the strip club. At first, she may appear to be "angry girl," yet after returning weekend after weekend she finds herself more comfortable with the goings-on of everyday tittie bar night life.

A telltale sign that curious girl is in the building is when the DJ must remind patrons not to touch the dancers; sometimes a dozen times in one set. You see, curious girl believes that since she is also a woman, the rules no longer apply for her. More than likely, her boyfriend is egging her on, enjoying the show, and she's enjoying the attention being lavished upon her. She may also buy several lapdances for herself.

Note to curious girl: if you are going to get lapdances in my establishment (or any strip club, for that matter) please, please wear underwear if you are wearing a skirt. It really bothers my dancers when you sit down on the couch and spread your legs, giving anyone in the room full view to your hoo-ha. I realize that you are quite tipsy at the moment, and it probably seems ok, considering half the woman here are naked, but it's not. Cover up the na-na, okay?

Once curious girl has finally understood the "no touching the dancers" rule, she will then decide that it's okay to touch the waitress. Normally, from woman, I tolerate this kind of behavior, but it is very difficult to carry a tray of drinks across the bar and have drunk women attempt to slap you on the ass as you are walking by. The chances of me knocking over the entire tray are very good, so please, curious girl, exercise some caution.

We had a curious girl in last weekend, and as she was attempting to slap my ass she missed, and hit me square in the back. I was very, very irritated by this; however, rather than resort to physical violence, I have found it is much better to talk to curious girl as if she is a misbehaving puppy.

"NO!" I said to her, wagging my finger in the air. "Bad curious girl, baaad girl." Curious girl coked her head to the side and looked up at me with a wounded expression on her face. "Sit down, siiiiit down and behave." That usually does the trick.

During some point in the night curious girl (while molesting me) will ask me if we are hiring for dancers. Alcohol should be sold as liquid courage. It makes even the smallest man believe he can kick the shit out of someone four times his size, and it makes pretty girls think they should get onstage and have a twirl. I send her to the manager at this point, who tells her to come back when she's sober. She never does.

For some reason, curious girl decides at some point during the night, that it's okay to perform her own private show on her boyfriend/random person that she is sitting with. Again, the DJ will usually utter such profound phrases as "unless you work here, stop dancing" which curious girl will completely ignore and which forces me to be the bearer of bad news as I try to explain to her that she's not allowed to dance/fuck her boyfriend in here.

Unfortunately, sometimes curious girl will become addicted to the strip club. Weekend after weekend she's faithfully here, downing her Washington apples and enjoying the view. Unfortunately for her, curious girl's boyfriend no longer shares in her excitement. While he once thought it would be "awesome" if his girl were to hook up with another chick, he's now finding it cold and lonely on the shoulder, being forced to do nothing but helplessly watch on as his girlfriend finds other things to tickle her fancy, so to speak.

Let this be a warning, then, to all the men out there. Be careful what you wish for--you may never know whether or not your girlfriend is a "curious girl" until it's too late. Take heed, young man, take heed.

11 Comments:

Blogger gene said...

Great post. Still laughing. Waiter sure knows his stuff. Keep up the excellent work!

3:55 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

Thank you! I appreciate it.

Waitress

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Got here from Wide Lawns. I have to laugh at this because I've seen it. I've been to strip clubs with my guy but I'm honestly interested in women as well. While I get a kick out of the strippers touching MY breasts or *not quite* kissing me (and everyone else does too), I've never touched a dancer or a waitress. How rude.

I have had my own dance. With pants on. We tipped well.

Love the blog!

10:37 PM  
Blogger Film Aficionado said...

What's the main difference between a stripper and a female waitress who works at a strip club?

10:52 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

I don't take my clothes off, I don't give lap dances, and the girls don't bring the drinks. Other than that, we're all there to ensure the customers are having a good time.

Waitress

12:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, you write well, Nevertell!

Also, I don't get out much. Is it really true that curious girl might f*** her boyfriend at the table? I believe you but I don't believe you. LOL. Well, I do believe you.

7:58 AM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

Anon: yes, it's true, maybe not at the table per se, but we've had to split them up in the bathroom, in the lap dance room, etc etc.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous TomTom224 said...

Waitress,

Great post! Really made me laugh! You're an awesome writer. Hey, keep it up, maybe you'll be offered a book deal. Who knows?

If you feel like it, IM me some time...You seem fun to talk to! (No, I'm not a fat, bald, thirty year old who still lives with his mother.) JBstuntDouble is my name on AIM if you happen to have it.

-TomTom!

5:15 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

Tomtom,
Don't you know fat, bald thiry somethings who live with their mother are what I'm really looking for? Damn, quit teasing a woman!

Waitress

5:53 PM  
Blogger Push Button Blogger said...

hey. i like your blog. it's well written and concise. Perhaps you'd like to read my blog.

12:06 AM  
Blogger mekayla said...

My cousin was a vurious girl once .. we had to drag her out of the club because she was determine to show the dancers why her real breast were better than any other. She then preceded to motorboat other customers. Luckily for all involved we were in the champagne room and didnt cause to much of a scene. I found it hilarious.

Your blog is great. Keep it up!

1:53 PM  

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