Monday, October 30, 2006

If the Shoe Hits

Last Friday night was a good night for me. Everywhere I turned there was another regular of mine, ready and willing to do some shots and have a nice, calm evening. Even the management was having a good time, the dancers were all in good moods, and life was good in the Strip Club.

Or so I thought.

I was taking a Makers and Water to a friend of mine when I heard a "Smack" come from my left. I looked over at stage two where Miranda was dancing and saw her squatting in front of a young guy at her stage.

I set the Makers and Water on the table and hurried over to the other side of the room. I wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right.

I was walking up to where she was when she took her shoe off, put it in her right hand, reached back, and slapped this guy across the face with nine inches of platform plastic.

Then she got up, went back to the pole, and continued dancing. The guy didn't move.

Now, I have no fucking idea what is going on at this point. Maybe he pissed her off? Maybe she knows him? Maybe this guy has a fetish and likes to be slapped around with stripper shoes? The guy is still sitting in his chair, doesn't look angry, so I don't know what to think.

I mean, if you got slapped with a stripper shoe, would you just sit there?

Miranda finally stops spinning and notices I'm there.

"This motherfucker needs to leave. Now." She pointed at the guy at her stage, who raises his hands in a "what" gesture.

Ok, looks like we can rule out the fetish answer.

I look around and see CEO sitting at a table by the bar. I send one of the dancers to go get him and stand guard by Miranda's stage, just in case.

CEO comes and escorts the guy out of the building as Miranda's set ends. I walk over to the catwalk to find out what the fuck just happened.

"Oh my God, Waitress," she said, putting her booty shorts on, "that motherfucker pissed me off."

"I know, honey," I reply, trying to untwist her top and put it on over her head.

"And the really fucked up thing," she started, tying the bikini top behind her back, "was that I hit him three times before anyone came up to get him out. Three. Times. What the hell were they doing?"

Her question was legitimate, to a point. However, in a club with fifty girls, hundreds of customers, and four floor guys/managers/DJ's, sometimes things slip your grasp. I had the utmost faith in Miranda's ability to handle her own, though.

I sent her to the dressing room to calm down and headed to the bar to get her a shot. Out of the corner of my eye I see Raymond and Pierce rapidly head to the dressing room after Miranda.

I walk into the dressing room with a shot of tequila in one hand and a Jager Bomb in the other and see Miranda getting dressed. ("Getting Dressed" as in putting on her regular clothes to go home.)

"Here, Waitress," she said, tossing her purse in my direction. "I need you to go put that somewhere, fast." She was hurridly trying to put her jeans on and pull her hair up at the same time. "That idiot called the cops on me, and now I have to go."

"You're leaving?"

"No, I'm going to go sit out there with a customer until they leave," she said, throwing her clothes in her locker and slamming it shut.

I took Miranda's purse and put it in the office for safe-keeping. She headed back on to the floor, looking like a customer and not a dancer, and took a seat with one of our regulars in the back.

About ten minutes later, Raymond came back inside.

"Hey, waitress," he said, "is Miranda still here?"

"Yeah," I pointed, "she's sitting over there."

"Tell her to go get dressed again and go back on the floor," he winked at me, letting me know all was ok.

I gave the good news to Miranda and headed back to Raymond to find out what happened.

"That guy was an idiot," he said.

"Well, I gathered that, but what happened?"

"He tried to put his hands on her while she was onstage. Then after we kicked him out he called the cops, trying to claim assault."

"Oh, I see."

"That's not all," Raymond said. "The cops laughed it off and told him to go home. After he left, he ran his car into the ditch. Now he's on his way to jail."

I laughed, imagining this guy. Almost pitiful enough to feel badly for him.


Moral of the story: don't touch the dancers. More on that moral tomorrow kiddies!


Blogger Seth said...

That and there is no sex in the champagne room.

Must've hurt getting slapped by a big 'ol heel 3 times. A Jagr bomb would've made me feel better too!

3:05 PM  
Blogger can'tthinkofagoodname said...

Hey been reading this blog since i found it in the links from

I know the customers aren't allowed to touch the dancers but I have often found that the dancers while giving me a lap dance often disregard that.

Now I don't start off touching them, they will guide my hands to their bodies. Then I can touch them everywhere outside of their genital area. They will often let me rub my face all over their chests. The dancers don't seem to mind this at all in fact they often seem happy i am doing it.

Since the dancer iniated the touching and gave a defined rule about where not to touch. I have to ask does this commonly happen to customers in secret or am I just well lucky to get the dancers to allow this?

Before you ask no I didn't promise extra money if they let me do those things.

I do wonder if they did pick up on a subtle cue that I wanted to touch them during the dance. Like when a guy wants to put his arm around a girl he knows, but he doesn't know if that is okay with her. He will start the motion and the girl will then put the arm around her or he will stop and feign brushing his hair if he sees the wrong sign.

After the dance the girl will often give me a long hug and not mind well if I grab her behind in the embrance. I often get a kiss as well.

I did not notice other customers recieving this attention from the dancers so would you say I am again lucky?

What is your feeling about my actions to the dancers? What is your feeling about the actions of the dancers?

4:23 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...


Hmmm. So much to say I'm afraid it might start a new post. :)

Ok, there does seem to be some confusion about my post, first of all. Miranda was not in the lap dance room, she was on stage dancing when the guy tried to put his hands on her.

Now, on to your question(s).

A lot of it depends where you are located. My state has a strict no touching policy, thanks to our good friends down at the ABC. I think i'll write a post so everyone will understand all the strip club rules one day when I have nothing else to write about.

As far as you getting "lucky"... IF the dancer guided your hands to her body, then I suppose the affection was warrented and no fault should fall on your shoulders. As far as the long hugg/kiss after the dance: this is a regular occurance. Ususally even after someone tips a dancer on stage they will come up and hug whoever did it.

You didn't mention whether or not you were a regular at the club, and you also didn't mention if this type of touching happened during the first dance, or if you bought multiple dances from the same girl.

If you can give me more info I can give you a better response.

4:29 PM  
Blogger can'tthinkofagoodname said...

The clubs did have a strict no touching policy from what the dancer said and from what I know of the regulations where the clubs were located. Nor was a I regular. Sadly I am on social security due to disabilities. Not anything overtly physical or mental mind you. The only time I would have money or be able to go to a strip club is on a family vacation where I would be giving enough money to do so.

I know she was on stage but sometimes a stage dancer will guide my hand up their bodies while giving them a few bills. Another time a stage dancer was real frisky with her chest on my face but she stopped when she spotted a uniformed officer coming in. She even mentioned that as the reason she stopped.

9 times out of 10 the affection and large amounts of touching during the lap dance were on the first and only dance. I had also never seen that dancer or been to that club before. Also anytime the dancer would hear someone come to the area she would pull away and resume normal dancing. So that does tend to reinforce that wasn't their typical behavior to customers.

I did mention I didn't see the long hug/kiss touching occur to other customers while I was there. I also admitted to fondling the dancer while they were giving me a goodbye hug kiss. So I don't think that was normal behavior either.

4:42 PM  
Blogger can'tthinkofagoodname said...

Whoops should have stated in the second paragraph. "I know in the story Miranda was on stage but someimes".


5:02 PM  
Anonymous Kiz said...

You know, after that four-parter you gave the other day, this seems like a rather tame situation by comparison! I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad sign... K

5:54 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...


Lol. Good for me, bad for you guys? Just wait, i'm sure there's a full moon coming up sometime soon

6:08 PM  
Blogger Semi-Celibate Man said...

Good moral. Never touch the dancers - unless the rules allow it (as they do in the club I frequent) or dancer invites it (and not always then). "Be a gentleman" always wins in the club.

I was in a club once in the midwest where a drunk couple was routinely smacking dancers on the ass on stage. Loud smacks! No bouncers did anything there either. Unbelievably rude.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Ryann said...

hahaha I want every drunk asshole that pisses me of at work to run into a ditch and go to jail... that would just be AWESOME!!!

.. just to get in on the convo of touching. Don't EVER touch a dancer unless she explicitly gives you permission. Rules vary a great deal between states and provinces. But respect should be across the board. if you don't know the rules... ASK!!

11:32 PM  

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