Friday, October 20, 2006

Missed It By One Day

Part three: NOTE: Sandra and Tracy have been changed to "Monica" and "Chris"

I plastered a fake smile on my face and headed over to Monica and Chris' table to get take their order and their credit card. A little back story before we proceed, shall we?

Monica and Chris have been together for years. They're not married, which I assume is more because of Chris and less because of Monica. Chris is very, very well off, and Monica is the closest I've ever seen to a trophy wife. Perfectly coiffed blonde hair, perky (and fake) breasts, always in style wardrobe, Chanel earrings, eight carat canary diamond ring on her right hand, a slight speed dependency, and completely fucking nuts.

They started coming in about two years ago, back when I was still slinging drinks behind the bar and not serving them up at the tables. I noticed her immediately at the bar, she has that commanding presence that comes with money. To prove my point further she requested three hundred dollars in five dollar bills, not a usual request at my bar. They're big drinkers, big spenders, and big tippers. I always get slipped a bill when they leave, regardless of whether I'm serving them or not. Usually that's enough for me to take their drama with a grain of salt. Usually.

I knew when I saw them there was going to be trouble. One of the other customers in the bar was a girl named Cris. (Don't get confused here, because it's going to get worse. We have Monica and Chris who are together and Cris the girl.) Cris the girl used to "hang out" with Monica and Chris.

Did I forget to mention that Monica and Chris like to bring other women into their relationship? Well, they do, and usually it follows this type of blueprint. For a little while, things will be just peachy, but then something dramatic will happen and Monica will decide that she hates this bitch and she's going to kill her if she ever comes near her or Chris again. I did mention that she's a little nuts, right?

I made it over to the table and gave Monica a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey honey, how are you?"

"I'm fucking freaking out right now. I need a drink," she said, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"No problem, you want your regular?"

"Yeah, and bring Chris his as well."

I took their credit card and headed up to the bar. I came back with the drinks and Monica motioned me over.

"That bitch Cris is in here," she said, pointing to the other side of the bar.

"Yeah, I know," I replied, setting her drink in front of her.

"Well, make sure she knows that if she comes near my table I'll fucking kill her." At this point one of my dancers had made it over and was sitting down. "Bring her something to drink," Monica said, motioning to the dancers, "and bring me another one. I need to get drunk."

"No problem."

I went back to the bar and ordered the requested drinks. Presently at the table were Monica and Chris, Monique (a dancer) and Cris the girl was somewhere wandering in the club. I told you it was going to get confusing.

I brought Monica and Monique's drinks, set them down at the table and noticed that Chris was gone. In his place was some random crackhead I had never seen before.

"Hey, Monica," I whispered, leaning down to her, "do you know this guy?"

"No, I have no idea who he is."

"Would you like me to make him leave your table?"

"Yes," she answered, "please do that."

I walked up to Pierce who was standing by the front door and told him what was going on. He walked over to deal with random crackhead and I made another round of drinks. While I was standing at the bar, paying for my drinks, Pierce approached me.

"Hey, Monica said she didn't mind him sitting there."

"That's weird," I said, "but ok."

I dropped off the next round of drinks and went back over to Monica and Chris' table. Monique was gone and Monica was sitting with the random crackhead.

"Waitress," Monica started, "I thought I asked you to make this guy leave!"

"I tried, Monica, but you told Peirce that you didn't mind him sitting there," I explained, flabbergasted.

"Well, I've changed my mind. And tell Moniqe to stay the fuck away from my table. If she wants to go hug up on Cris that's fine, but I don't put up with that shit."

I turned and saw Monique talking to the table where Cris was sitting-- Cris the girl, not Chris her boyfriend. He was still nowhere to be found.

"Ok Monica," I sighed, "I'll get right on it."

I told CEO what was going on with random crackhead, but at this point, he was sick of dealing with Monica as well. His response: "Tell her to take care of it her damn self if she's so opinionated." I couldn't argue with that logic.

I made another round of orders and was standing at the service bar when Monique walked up to me.

"I don't think Monica likes me," she said, peering over at her table.

"It's not that she doesn't like you, she just doesn't like Cris anymore, so when you were talking to Cris she got offended," I replied, rubbing my temples with my fingers. It had already been a long night, and it was barely halfway over.

"Well, she called me over! What was I supposed to do?" Monique whined, pouting.

"I don't know darlin, but I have to take these drinks."

When I made it back to Monica's table (Chris was still gone), Monique was sitting with her arm around Monica, talking to her.

"Waitress," Monica started, "will you go get Chris and tell him that I would like him to come back to the table?"

"Sure, Monica," I answered. "Where is he?"

"He's getting a lap dance. I just really need his support right now," she shook her head and tried her best to appear pitiful.

I walked back to the lap dance room and saw no sign of Chris. I checked in the other room, still no Chris, but I did see Max getting a lap dance from Kismit. He smiled and waved from between her thighs. I smiled in return.

I finally found Chris in VIP with Purity, another dancer. They were sitting on the couches, talking.

"Hey, Chris," I started, "sorry to interrupt but Monica wanted you to come back to the table."

"I'm not doing anything wrong back here," he replied.

"I know, it's not about you, she just said she wanted you to be there with her." I was not about to get into the middle of all this drama, so I was keeping my reasoning very vague.

"Well, we're not done with our lap dance yet, so why don't you tell her to come back here."

"Ok," I sighed, feeling more like a baby-sitter than a waitress, "I'm on it."

I walked back out to the main room and to Monica's table.

"Well," she said, "where is he?"

"Um, he's in VIP and he wants you to join him there."

Monica was none too happy about this answer; but she got up and headed back in that direction. Monique followed.

A few minutes later I went back to check on them. VIP is not in my section, so I tabbed them out and turned them over to Esmerelda, explaining the situation to her. I, thankfully, went back to waiting my tables.

About ten minutes later while I was standing at a table by the front door, Monica came stalking up to me.

"Here," she said, putting a twenty dollar bill in my shirt. "Give this to Monique and tell her to stay the fuck away from me and Chris."

Before I could respond Chris and Monique emerged from VIP and joined the two of us. Chris pulled a stack of money out of his pocket and turned to Monique.

"How much do I owe you, honey," he said, counting out bills.

Monica saw this interaction and moved in between the two of them, pushing Chris away from Monique and yanking the money from his hands.

"We already fucking paid her," she screamed. "I already fucking took care of that whore." Monica turned to Monique and got in her face, screaming something intelligible. I motioned for Pierce, mouthing the word "drama" and he headed over as Chris attempted to get Monica out the front door.

I still had the twenty in my shirt, not sure about how to proceed as Monica and Chris headed out the front, Monica screaming about how she was "never coming back again."

I turned to face Monique, pulling the twenty out of my shirt and handing it to her.

"Here," I said, "this is for you."

"What the fuck is that?" Monique's face was red, obviously shaken up from the events that just transpired. Unfortunately, her drama was nowhere close to being over.

To be continued...


Anonymous Anonymous said...


3:50 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Jesus Christ, I can't believe this all happened in one night! When all the parts are posted, I'm going to have to re-read the whole thing for continuity. You are one strong girl to put up with this!!!

3:55 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

I told you, I was throwing up drama. It was one fucking thing after another!

4:05 PM  
Blogger Lala said...

OMG your life sends me spinning. Thanks for sharing!

4:10 PM  
Blogger inspectorguy said...

I still love you, but I can't say this enough...YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH THESE CLIFFHANGERS!!!

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL I have to see what's next! By the way, I love your writing.

11:34 PM  
Blogger ann surely said...

I'm so enjoying your blog.

Stripper cliffhangers are killing me, though! :-D

3:06 AM  
Blogger SkippyMom said...

I followed this just fine - it is GREAT! I can see why you have to write it in parts tho' Waitress..OMG - the drama - and having to relive it to entertain us...we THANK YOU!

I can't wait for part IV!

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like chad's going to show up or something ;D

4:35 PM  
Blogger Semi-Celibate Man said...

Having spent a lot of time in clubs, I've got to say - great blog. I'll have to stay and read backwards for a while.

11:49 PM  

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