Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ask The Waitress #2

Since I had the weekend off, I have no new stories to share with you wonderful readers. *I do take that back, considering I have yet to write about the two girls who were fired last week, I'll do that tomorrow*

This e-mail came to me today, so I thought I would post another "ask the waitress." Please don't hesitate to e-mail me anything your heart desires, I enjoy reading them! In case you forgot, it's

On to the e-mail:

I am a dancer in a small club. We have around 60 girls and 15 to 20
of these girls (including myself) work almost every day. I mostly keep to
myself and I am polite with everyone. My husband is one of our security
men and we try to keep it secret but whenever a girl finds out about us then she
tries to use it against me. A customer actually told me that a girl said
that if he got a lap dance from me then security would beat him to a bloody
pulp. What would be a polite way to end the cutthroat crap without getting
violent? If I got violent I am afraid that my man will get fired because
I'm supposed to "know better". They would also toss me out because I have
to many tattoos for their taste and sometimes I feel that they are just looking
for a reason to get rid of me.
Scared to lash out,

Dear Calico:

You didn't mention if management was aware of your marriage, the only reason I bring it up is that some clubs have a "no dancer/employee relationship" clause. Ours doesn't. In fact, our manager (one of them) was married to one of our dancers, and after she became pregnant with their beautiful daughter, she became "house mom," and our DJ is dating a dancer (both of them, actually) and our door guy is dating an ex-dancer. I can't help but wonder why you feel the need to keep your marriage private, considering that nothing stays a secret in a titty bar for too long. The only time that a problem can (and will) arise in an interpersonal work relationship is when someone with power plays favorites, or is perceived as playing favorites.

Many times dancers will bitch even when there is nothing to really bitch about. In the case of my DJ/dancer relationship, some of the girls would bitch about the type of music that he played. My bar has a strict no rap/no hip hop policy, so all that is left is rock, country, and R &B. Even with those limitations on music the girls found a way to complain that he was playing favorites with her music. I couldn't tell you if he was or not, I have learned to tune the music out by now.

As far as the girl who cutthroat you, that is completely uncalled for. I would suggest that you handle this in an upfront manner, completely leaving your husband out of it. His job doesn't depend on your conduct, and your job doesn't depend on his. Think about it this way, if he was to get fired (God forbid) for some reason (maybe he was too aggressive in breaking up a bar fight), there would be no cause for them to fire you.

You did mention, however, that you feel as if they are trying to get rid of you already, because of your many tattoos. We have two dancers that have a lot of tat's, they tend to go for the Goth look, and, quite frankly, I don't see anything wrong with it. If the girls all looked alike we would only cater to a very small, particular crowd of people. As they say, variety is the spice of life.

But I digress...

If management is aware of your relationship with your husband, then I advise you to first make them aware of the situation in a non-confrontational, non-whining way. Wait until a good, quiet moment at the club (hah!) and politely ask if you can speak to your manager in private. Start out by asking whether or not he/she has any problem with your relationship with your husband, then move into explaining what happened with said bitch. That way, if something violent were to come of the situation, management would already be aware of it, and less likely to be angry. It also gives your manager a chance to handle the situation in the best way possible. If he/she blows you off or makes light of your situation, it may be a clue that you are in the wrong bar.

If; however, management is unaware of your relationship (which I highly doubt) then I would stick to just confronting the girl. Be aware that by confronting her, you will be admitting to the relationship with your husband, the afore mentioned bouncer. If you would still like to "keep up appearances" of a non-relationship, I suggest you let it roll off your shoulders. Just remember, what one dancers knows, all dancers know. If you are ready to come out of the closet (so to speak), then I suggest you calmly speak to the dancer in the dressing room about how you felt that it was inappropriate for her to tell a customer such horrendous lies.

If past experience has taught me anything, it's that the dancer is going to deny ever having said anything, then run around to all of her other dancer friends and exaggerate the situation which may, inadvertently, cause more drama. Just be warned.

Hope it all works out for you,

Anybody else have any suggestions for this poor girl? Please comment about them!


Anonymous sueann! said...

yay you're back!

6:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it is so sad that women have to be so catty about such stupid things. It sounds like the dancer was just trying to get the customers to pay more attention to her, which is so low. She is probably jealous of your having a husband. be strong and proud that your man loves you and ignore the other women. I have found it best that when other women get catty you have to laugh it off.

7:28 PM  
Blogger i'llnevertell! said...

suanne: yay!!! i know, it was a long week with school starting and then labor day. but i am back for good!!!

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Gypsy_Jo said...

I have always worn my wedding band. ALWAYS. I would often get asked "how can your husband LET you do this?"... boy would I go off on that one! LOL, BUT that being said, it never dented my finances, in fact it most likely helped up my nightly ante.

Having a husband in the same bar that you work at is tough in some ways and great in others, it works differently for each couple. GENERALLY speaking, its not a good thing. it invites all sorts of trouble for mngt. Jelousy runs amok in the bars, we all know this. but when a customer is brought into it, a line must be drawn. my advice to you is to go on with your client, make light of the situation so he forgets it, or introduce him to your husband (if hes a good customer) and let him/them know its JUST A JOB, not a lifetime commitment. if you do decide to confront the other dancer, do it off the floor, and remember, public humility is better than any punch thrown. she is as insecure as can be if she has to "insure" her money in this fashion. good luck!


8:22 AM  

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